2 years wasted- dumped

rose_ashes · **rose_ashes**

well, last night, on 8/28, my long term boyfriend matt dumped me. he told me that he felt i had changed and no longer loved me, no longer wanted to be with me, and no longer wanted to speak to me. now, granted, our relationship has never been perfect, but this was unexpected. just a few nights prior to this, he had mentioned that if we ever broke up he wanted it to be a mutual thing.

matt was my first boyfriend, first love, etc. it was a long-distance relationship, but we never let it get to us much. we'd been dating a total of 2 years as of july 22nd, 2006, and i didn't really ever think we wouldn't make it to a 3rd anniversary.

him breaking up with me has come at the worst point in time. my parents are in a nasty custody battle, as i mentioned in an earlier post. stress from work is bad, and i JUST started my junior year of highschool on friday. there is too much change for me to handle. i've lost my best friend and boyfriend in one evening.

since then, i have been truly suffering. i am unable to eat or sleep. everytime i sleep, i dream of him and dream that he and i are together. then i wake to find that it isn't true, and my heart breaks all over again.

i can truly say, without any doubt in my mind, that i have NEVER felt so sad, hopeless, helpless, and alone. i have never drifted towards the option of suicide so often in a 24 hour period. and i have never felt so betrayed and hurt. it feels as if someone has completely gutted me. i feel empty inside. i never knew that the human body could produce so many tears. (quick question... does crying dehydrate you? always wondered that...)

i really can't bring myself to go to school or work. i skipped both of them today. my life feels meaningless in every sense of the word. i am dead inside.

i apologize to you all for speaking of this... especially after i haven't posted anything here in a while... but the truth is that i have nowhere else to go. i have no close friends, and i am not close to my family. i know that i will get responses about how i will find someone else, but i don't want anyone else. i never even imagined myself with anyone else. my mind has gone into shock as it is. i'm sure that you all will also tell me that time will heal the hurt... but from where i'm standing, it doesn't seem possible. people tell me these things, and yet, in my state of mind, none of them make sense. logically, they do make sense, but emotionally, everyone might as well be telling me to do the macarena while drinking ketchup to heal the hurt. it does no good.

this pain is real. more real to me than a broken bone or a sprained ankle. this is the worst pain i have ever felt. and it feels as if it will be the end of me.
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"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde

7/22/04

ericraven2003 · **ericraven2003**

Sorry for the pain. Us guys suck.

El Bandito · **El Bandito**

Hey Sweetie....I'm not going to tell you that it will all get better...Everyone will tell you that...but they don't feel your hurt...I found through past experience that talking to someone helps...Someone who will truely listen and sympathize...You can PM me if you want...I'll listen...see I went through the same thing years back and thought that it was all over for me....I'm still..here...the wounds have healed somewhat..but....The memory lingers on....So I understand...what your going through....PM....El Bandito

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Never fear the dead, fear the living, they are more dangerous...."Trust Me"