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upbeat that is a great idea and great questions.... Waht you won't do to yourself you won't do to others
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 Sat May 06, 2006 5:16 am |
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| Upbeat Cynic wrote: |
I discovered that a way to seperate myself from the guilt was to ask myself two questions when it came to making a decision about whether something was right or wrong. Does it hurt me? Does it hurt anyone else? If I could answer no to both of those things, then I was okay with doing whatever it was.
If it helps, you've definitely got me pulling for you! :huge: |
That's how I live my life too UC, although with low self esteem I find it so hard to say no to people; I'm always worrying that it'll hurt their feelings if I do.
I too am 100% behind you Rose, my ex-husband was a control freak and it's still hard for me to make decisions on my own without consulting Andy (my second husband - he's sooo different from my first). I know this isn't exactly your situation but I understand some of the guilt you feel hun.
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| Sat May 06, 2006 8:55 am |
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thanks upbeat. that's a really good idea. i never really thought of it that way, but when it comes down to it, i suppose it really is as simple as that!
and bebi, i am glad that you have found someone to treat you like you deserve to be treated... and someone completely different from that arse of a first husband you had. <333
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| Sat May 06, 2006 3:43 pm |
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| Bebi wrote: |
That's how I live my life too UC, although with low self esteem I find it so hard to say no to people; I'm always worrying that it'll hurt their feelings if I do.
I too am 100% behind you Rose, my ex-husband was a control freak and it's still hard for me to make decisions on my own without consulting Andy (my second husband - he's sooo different from my first). I know this isn't exactly your situation but I understand some of the guilt you feel hun. |
Bebi,
I use to have really low self esteem, and my ex-husband was a control freak, too. I think one usually follows the other. I used to struggle with saying no, and when I did I would feel extremely selfish. But, then I realized that I had to take care of myself, 'cause nobody else was going to do that for me. I'm so glad you've found a good guy. They're not easy to find.
| rose_ashes wrote: | thanks upbeat. that's a really good idea. i never really thought of it that way, but when it comes down to it, i suppose it really is as simple as that!
and bebi, i am glad that you have found someone to treat you like you deserve to be treated... and someone completely different from that arse of a first husband you had. <333 |
It really is simple, but I know that when you're in the middle of a situation it's not easy to think of simple solutions. You have SO many thoughts and emotions flooding you that's it's hard to look at it clearly. I used to struggle horribly with things. And, part of the time I didn't even know what it was. I just knew something wasn't right. Now, when I get like that I just let it go. And, within a few days I find peace with it. Or, maybe it's just that as I get older I'm more forgetful and I can't remember that I even had an issue.  |
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| Sun May 07, 2006 4:34 am |
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| Upbeat Cynic wrote: | | It really is simple, but I know that when you're in the middle of a situation it's not easy to think of simple solutions. You have SO many thoughts and emotions flooding you that's it's hard to look at it clearly. I used to struggle horribly with things. And, part of the time I didn't even know what it was. I just knew something wasn't right. Now, when I get like that I just let it go. And, within a few days I find peace with it. Or, maybe it's just that as I get older I'm more forgetful and I can't remember that I even had an issue. |
lol! my problem lies with my anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. see, it's not like i worry about it for a few minutes and feel guilty for a few minutes- i worry constantly about it and feel guilty for weeks at a time. that's why i have such a hard time.
_________________
"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Sun May 07, 2006 5:15 am |
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| UC your sense of humour is your gift....don't lose it .... |
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| Sun May 07, 2006 5:24 am |
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| sheri berri wrote: | | UC your sense of humour is your gift....don't lose it .... |
Thanks, Sheri. My sense of humor has gotten me through a lot of poo in my life. I think if I hadn't been able to see the humor in different situations, I'd now be curled up in a corner, drooling and mumbling to myself.
Wait a minute, sometimes I do that. Hmm...I'll have to rethink this. |
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| Sun May 07, 2006 7:25 pm |
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| Upbeat Cynic wrote: |
Wait a minute, sometimes I do that. Hmm...I'll have to rethink this. |
it's okay, UC... happens to the best of us. 
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"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Sun May 07, 2006 9:28 pm |
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| rose_ashes wrote: | | Upbeat Cynic wrote: | | It really is simple, but I know that when you're in the middle of a situation it's not easy to think of simple solutions. You have SO many thoughts and emotions flooding you that's it's hard to look at it clearly. I used to struggle horribly with things. And, part of the time I didn't even know what it was. I just knew something wasn't right. Now, when I get like that I just let it go. And, within a few days I find peace with it. Or, maybe it's just that as I get older I'm more forgetful and I can't remember that I even had an issue. |
lol! my problem lies with my anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. see, it's not like i worry about it for a few minutes and feel guilty for a few minutes- i worry constantly about it and feel guilty for weeks at a time. that's why i have such a hard time. |
Me too....I worry all the time...and if I have done something and later feel bad...it goes on and on....I am forever worrying
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| Sun May 07, 2006 10:41 pm |
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| Geri_Berri wrote: | | rose_ashes wrote: | | Upbeat Cynic wrote: | | It really is simple, but I know that when you're in the middle of a situation it's not easy to think of simple solutions. You have SO many thoughts and emotions flooding you that's it's hard to look at it clearly. I used to struggle horribly with things. And, part of the time I didn't even know what it was. I just knew something wasn't right. Now, when I get like that I just let it go. And, within a few days I find peace with it. Or, maybe it's just that as I get older I'm more forgetful and I can't remember that I even had an issue. |
lol! my problem lies with my anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. see, it's not like i worry about it for a few minutes and feel guilty for a few minutes- i worry constantly about it and feel guilty for weeks at a time. that's why i have such a hard time. |
Me too....I worry all the time...and if I have done something and later feel bad...it goes on and on....I am forever worrying |
don't you hate that? UGH, i can't stand it. guilt sucks... i wish i had some way to tone down my conscience sometimes, LOL.
*gets to work on a conscience remote control*
_________________
"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Sun May 07, 2006 10:48 pm |
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| rose_ashes wrote: | | Geri_Berri wrote: | | rose_ashes wrote: | | Upbeat Cynic wrote: | | It really is simple, but I know that when you're in the middle of a situation it's not easy to think of simple solutions. You have SO many thoughts and emotions flooding you that's it's hard to look at it clearly. I used to struggle horribly with things. And, part of the time I didn't even know what it was. I just knew something wasn't right. Now, when I get like that I just let it go. And, within a few days I find peace with it. Or, maybe it's just that as I get older I'm more forgetful and I can't remember that I even had an issue. |
lol! my problem lies with my anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. see, it's not like i worry about it for a few minutes and feel guilty for a few minutes- i worry constantly about it and feel guilty for weeks at a time. that's why i have such a hard time. |
Me too....I worry all the time...and if I have done something and later feel bad...it goes on and on....I am forever worrying |
don't you hate that? UGH, i can't stand it. guilt sucks... i wish i had some way to tone down my conscience sometimes, LOL.
*gets to work on a conscience remote control* |
My conscience get the better of me too..so if you are making a conscience remote controll...could you make it with just an OFF button LOL 
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| Sun May 07, 2006 11:12 pm |
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| However bad your conscience is, it can be said that it is much better than not having one. With a conscience you can destroy yourself. Without a conscience you can destroy others... which you have seen first hand. |
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| Mon May 08, 2006 4:32 am |
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| Malfeas wrote: | | However bad your conscience is, it can be said that it is much better than not having one. With a conscience you can destroy yourself. Without a conscience you can destroy others... which you have seen first hand. |
I only wish I didnt have a conscience
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| Mon May 08, 2006 9:39 am |
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