Poems

Bebi · **Bebi**

A few years back I wrote a few poems, nothing special just for fun. Here's a few.

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TITANIC DAYS

Once upon a time there was this bloke
He had an idea to build a ship
He hammered and banged and his thumb he smote
So he threw his hammer in the nearest tip

This bloke, who had a name, it was Colin
Made this ship so big it was massive
It was so huge that one day he did fall in
He looked up then, and all he saw were asses

He scratched his head, where did they come from?
'Have I hit my head? Am I going round the twist?'
He just lay there wondering, gazing at those bums
Staring at them through a light white mist

Now he didn't realise this, but he'd got quite famous
And all the village had come round to see
This gigantic ship, built by Colin Mersus
They stared open-mouthed, it was higher than a tree!

'What will you call it?' 'When will it sail?'
'Who's going to steer it?' 'My, isn't it big!'
Colin went and stood by the big pail
'I shall call her Titanic' and danced a small jig

Now I have got the making done at last
I shall tell you of her first outing
The trumpets on the dockside gave a great blast
All the people stood on the side shouting

The ship hadn't got very far at all
When they ran onto a spot of trouble
They ran into some weather known as a squall
And Colin shouted 'Abandon ship at the double!'

Everyone left, but not our poor Colin
No he stayed with his beloved boat
He grabbed the before mentioned pail and started bailing
It was a lovely ship when it stayed afloat

The end result was that the ship completely sank
Colin was distraught, he loved that big vessel
He realised he had no one but himself to thank
Build another one? Nah, not worth the hassle!

By Bev
06/11/97

Title From Kirsty MacColl

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LOCKED OUT

Harry and Sally lived in the city
They had a tiny little flat on the second floor
Listen to this tale 'cos it really is a pity
The day they could not open their front door

They'd gone out to look for a new car
They'd looked and looked and looked
They'd stayed near and they'd strayed far
They'd looked at MOT's and log-books

They'd looked at Astras and Citroen Xantias
They'd looked at Land Rover Four-by-fours
They'd looked at Fiestas and Opel Mantas
They'd looked at Minis and many more

As you guessed their search wasn't fruitful
They failed to find their nice new motor
It was a good job they were both youthful
'Cos it would've been too much for her mother

Tired and weary they set off back home
Trudging their feet and hanging their heads
Sally got fed up with Harry's moans
All she wanted was her nice warm bed

The rain was falling, it was so wet
The streets were slippery and shiny
Sally was really starting to fret
'Cos Harry was really getting whiney

Then all of a sudden it started to snow
Sally felt this was pushing it too far
She honestly had had enough you know
All they ever wanted was their own car

She wanted one to make their life comfortable
To carry the shopping and go down the coast
He wanted one like a flashy convertible
And so to all his mates he could boast

They finally arrived at the big block of flats
And to their horror they were locked out
Outside with all the beetles and rats
Sally was crying and Harry did shout

The man next door peeped round the wall
But didn't help the two hapless youngsters
He said to them that they were messing up the hall
And told them they looked like the Munsters

This is this and well that was that
Sally had had it as far as she could take
She called him an unhelpful twat
And told him to drown in a lake

Oh dear, now we seem to find
This neighbour was in some kind of gang
He really was quite out of his mind
On drink and drugs and bared his fangs

He went inside and emerged with a gun
And promptly shot poor Harry in the head
And Sally stood there some time stunned
The bloke had gone when she realised Harry was dead

The moral of this story is
When you go out to look for some wheels
Don't forget your front door keys
Or you too could hear a church bell peal

And be extra specially nice to your neighbours
More so if they're psychopaths
Remember to do them lots of favours
And try not to incur their wrath!

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LOVEBIRDS

Two little lovebirds
Sitting on a wall
One named Peter
One named Paul

Tweet tweet
Said Pete
Shut up fool
Said Paul

They went for a fly
For something to do
And way up in the sky
Paul had a poo

Pete got a bit pipped
And said 'come down Paul'
But Paul sadly slipped
And fell off the wall

One day they had a talk
In the fine month of May
Suddenly Pete gave a squawk
Paul said 'I thought you knew I was gay'

'Do you know' Pete laughed
'The thought had never occurred
But to touch up my arse
Now that really is absurd'

Paul said 'come on Pete
You're the one that I love
Come fly away with me
And be my turtle dove'

'Not likely' said Pete
'I couldn't live with you
Not with your smelly feet
I'll never say "I do"'

Now Paul got upset
He really loved Pete
He started to fret
'For you I'll even wash my feet'

Peter was fraught
'Paul I love you too
But really you ought
To think this thing through'

'Now here is a list
Of things you must do
I really do insist
If I'm to live with you

'Right then' said Peter
'You must pick up your clothes
And read the meter
But don't pick your nose!

Put the rubbish out
Do the washing up
And without a doubt
In bed tuck me up'

Paul was stunned
'I'll do all of those
But please, please, Hon
Let me pick my nose'

'Let you pick your nose?!
Can't you use a hanky?
Oh dearie me it shows
You really are manky'

'Oh Peter I beg you
Just this one little thing
Dear Peter I love you
You won't see anything disgusting'

But Pete was insistent
'I know it's a shame
Until you are different
I can't see you again'

In the little birdies' goodbye kiss
They wiped the tears from their eyes
The moral of this story is.......
COMPROMISE!!!!

Written by Bev
29/10/97
Title from Dodgy

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vincent · **vincent**

Not really the poetic type but still nice.
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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM

Bebi · **Bebi**

I do worrying things when I'm bored LOL

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Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?

Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to!