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Post subject: On-Line Relationships
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I wasn't sure where to put this, so, I went with the 'relationship' theme.
I was a member of a forum, where many of the members were engaged in 'relationships', and cyber flirtation and sexual situations were encouraged. I contributed to the atmosphere, and tried my hand at the on line romance game. Sadly though, there were a few people involved who, to my mind, took the whole situation waaaaaay too seriously. Even going so far as to become extremely jealous if their 'mate' was talking or flirting with anyone else. There was even talk that at least one marriage was destroyed when a member left his RL spouse to go live with his on-line paramour.
I left the site because there was too much emotional drama and trauma, as well as a run in with the site administrator over the above issues.
So, with that fresh in my mind, I have some questions for y'all.
1 Is an on-line relationship healthy, or harmless?
2 Do you think it is possible to find a 'soul mate' on the internet?
3 Do RL rules and ettiquette apply to virtual interactions?
4 Is having a virtual affair considered to be cheating on your RL spouse?
5 Have you engaged in a cyber relationship or fling?
I would be very interested in hearing the thoughts of others on this subject
Thanks.
_________________
Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
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 Sat May 27, 2006 12:12 pm |
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The biggest problem with online relationships is that you have to be very careful about who you are talking to... Especially if you don't have a webcam, or anything like that...
A cautionary tale here:
A friend of my dads met a person online and they began a relationship online... She said she was single, but one day, he got an email from her husband saying "I'm gonna f***** kill you if you speak to my wife again!"
The moral of this story is... Be careful!
But if you are talking about romantic relationships, i can't say much... As for just making friends online, it's worked pretty well for me
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:50 pm |
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Online relationships can sometimes lead to divorces....plain and simple...also you have no idea who you are talking to from the get go unless you would make personal contact with that person...
Some people tend to pretend that they are such and such a type person when in fact they aren't
I intentionally come into certain chat places in "Stealth mode" As Rhyknow know's for obvious reasons....Some men/ women are only there to have cyber sex...flirtations etc,. they can destroy your marriage and move on...I think sometimes people like that thrive on it...
On the other hand I've heard that some people "Singles" for example have met their life partner on the web...my brother for instance found his soul mate online and is still with her after 3 yrs...He took the gamble and it paid off I guess you could say...
I will say that I don't think a married person has any business going into a chat room where there are singles looking for love...If they do...they "IMO" are cheating..plain and simple cheating on their spouse..even though no contact is made...it will make an impact on their relationship with their spouse..especially if the chat "lover" is aggressive and well..why would a happily married person want to put themselves in that situation...
1.) maybe they had a fight with their spouse and have no one to talk to...get caught up in a cyber relationship.... where does that leave the spouse???? If they are telling someone else all their problems..."Out in the dog house" that's where the spouse is
2.)There spouse isn't giving them what they need in their relationship...so why go into another relationship??? Pointless
IMO if your relationship with your life partner is in trouble...talk to them...not to someone you don't even know online...it will only make the problem manifest into a bigger problem that sometimes can't be fixed.
Don't trust someone you don't even know
If your single...just be very cautious to who you are pouring your heart out too..it could be a situation you don't want to be in..even dangerous
As far as chatting with friends online...I have had no problem with that.....but I set the ground rules up front...they always know "I'm married....unconditionally in love with my husband...and there are boundries that I will not let anyone cross..." I've met some truely amazing people online..Rhyknow is one of them...I consider him a really good friend...like a family member...it didn't happen overnight but we have been talking for quite a while...and I think we have a really good friend relationship... but then again ..I'm old enough to be his mother...LOL El Bandito
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Never fear the dead, fear the living, they are more dangerous...."Trust Me" |
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| Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:34 pm |
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I agree, you do need to be careful with the internet, but just think of this: how many people in bars and clubs also lie about themselves? How many women have been to a club and been "date raped" via drugs in their drink? I feel that the internet is no more dangerous than going out on the town. Yes, you do hear some horror stories, but these tend to be from people who met someone alone for the first time (biiig no no) or from kids who thought it would be a good idea.
My brother and I used to go to internet "meets" with the people of a chat room we were friendly with - we all used to meet up about three or four times a year, and go out on the town as a group of about 20-50 depending on who could make it. We all knew each other well, and newcomers felt safe as they were with a group of people who trusted one another. My mother was really against this at first (even though I was 25 lol) but when she met some of our friends she was fine about it. These "meets" have given me some very good friends.
I also met my husband online, we were both in relationships that were ending on their own, and became firm friends, helping each other through it. We arranged to meet after about 6 months (I took my best mate along with me) while we were both single and that was it - we spent about 2 weeks in total separated between first meeting and moving in together. Within another 6 months we were married. We're still happily married and both still love the internet, in fact we're often popping on each others screen names if we can't be bothered to change LOL. We trust each other to be faithful no matter who we're talking to.
I agree with EB, if you're in a relationship then why even put yourself in the situation where you could be tempted to stray, or be seen as doing that? I see this so much in chat rooms - two people will come in and start a conversation which is obviously about not letting their partners find out they're talking. I myself make it perfectly clear if questioned that I'm happily married and don't wish for any relationships, as does my husband. Everyone online who knows us knows we come "as a couple" and don't like flirting, so after the first few attempts we get left alone.
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| Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:28 am |
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The problem these days is a lot of people get in such a fret about pedophiles targeting kids via the net... I speak to a lot of adults on the net... I am careful.. If someone tells me their age... I am kewl with it... but there is always the question of who the person is.
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| Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:03 pm |
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I agree that the internet is a different place for kids, but my post above was dealing mainly with adults.
My kids are 7 and 8 and are supervised by myself or my husband when using the net. They have no chat room capabilities, no personal message capabilities, and their email account is set to allow emails only from senders on a list I have approved.
Also, people lie in real life as well as over the internet. Ok, it's easier to lie on the net, but it doesn't alter the fact that someone you meet in a pub on a Saturday night might not be who they say they are...
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Sat Aug 12, 2006 10:09 am |
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I have met people in RL that I 'met' on the net exactly twice.
The first time was a group of 6 of us that arranged to meet in a restaurant convenient to all.
It was rather disappointing: The free flowing talk and banter that we enjoyed in the chat room, was lacking in the real life situation, and I discovered that they were not as interesting in the flesh as they were online. I suppose the others found me the same. 
The second meeting was worse. It was a woman who shared many of the same interests as myself, with similiar backgrounds. We enjoyed a good rapport on line, and I felt comfortable discussing things with her. We agreed to meet in a cafe in the next town over from me. She lived in a town on the other side of our meeting place.
When I got there, after some general chitchat and 'getting to know you' conversation, she revealed to me that she really wanted to meet me because she was unhappy in her marriage and wanted a lover.
I explained to her that I was married, happily, and was only looking for a friend, someone I could communicate with. She did NOT take it well.
And for the record, if I HAD been single, I still wouldn't have slept with her, simply because SHE was married. She wasn't bad looking, but I tried to tell her that her problems with hubby would only get worse if she slept around, but she didn't want to hear that. She wanted to 'get back' at him for his cheating.
You should have seen some of the emails I got from her after that!
LOL I had to shut down that account.
_________________
Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
visit the boarder |
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| Sat Aug 12, 2006 2:57 pm |
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Hmmm... Yeah i think everyone has had some sort of experience like that... I mean look at me... I have some great friends in the US and the UK... They're like family to me... and considering we've only known each other for about 6 months... welll it's awkward
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| Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:06 pm |
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Hehe...yeah Rhy our first phone convo you could have heard crickets...but I was rambling so much...cuz...well that's what I do when I'm nervous...but I think that we talk with a little less nervousness now???? But the first initial call was yeah akward because...hehe...I couldn't understand you, didn't know what to expect etc,........LOL...kept saying...What??? What???...the accent...which is pretty cool I might add was different and still is to hear...but I'm adapting...We love you like family here too...and I enjoy talking to you not just online but also...on the telephone...El Bandito
_________________
Never fear the dead, fear the living, they are more dangerous...."Trust Me" |
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| Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:46 pm |
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1 Is an on-line relationship healthy, or harmless?
honestly, online relationships are trouble. they have a certain allure to them because of the secrecy and the idea that it is "harmless" if you're just "doing it online" because it's not "real cheating". sadly, that allure usually causes a breakup if one or both people are originally in REAL relationships.
2 Do you think it is possible to find a 'soul mate' on the internet?
yes, it is possible. but not probable.
3 Do RL rules and ettiquette apply to virtual interactions?
they should, but they don't.
4 Is having a virtual affair considered to be cheating on your RL spouse?
100%. most people end up justifying their affairs with the idea that it "isn't cheating", but it is, in fact, just as much cheating as sleeping with the next door neighbor is, imo.
5 Have you engaged in a cyber relationship or fling?
nope, nothing that i recall.
_________________
"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:24 am |
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