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Post subject: My messed up life...
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A lot of people have had hard lives, and certainly many have harder lives than me... but i thought i'd share with you guys what i call "the tragedy" that is my life... To help you all understand my somewhat cynical,sarcastic and angry persona
Ever since the age of 9 i've been moving non-stop around Europe. First of all, i moved from Newcastle (UK) to Rome... Which, for a while was OK. My father managed to secure a job at my school. Even so, i hardly ever saw him and when i did, our relationship was very strained... 2 years later we moved from Rome to Milan and I had to leave some very good friends... I hated my dad for that, since I had no say in what was happening in my life... Our relationship got worse every time we moved... Until we could hardly speak... Then we moved to France.in September 2004
Now the problemo with this is that I was plunged into the deep end so to speak... I was put in a french school, even though i had never spoken french before... so i had a big problem making any friends for the first year. I started to get into the "gothic" scene. I grew my hair long and wore lots of black and listened to depressing music... and that's when my mother started to have problems with me... Every day she has something to say about my appearance and personality, and all of it is negative...
Towards the end of my first year in france, i got a girlfriend. She left me and took my stereo and most of my CDs which broke my heart... Left me with very low self esteem... I met another girl who had big family problems,causing her to move away from her abusive father, so scratch another relationship...
In august, a good friend of mine decided to end his life, and I found him in his apartment hanging...
I also have a very bad sleeping disorder, where I can literally only sleep for 2-3 hours per night, so i'm always tired...
I'm going through a huge bout of depression at the moment...
Then, a few weeks ago, a boy stabbed me in a side street. So i'm scared to go out the door these days, especially since the kid only got 3 months in a juvie detention centre.
So all in all, i'd say my life sucks at the moment... Just thought you guys deserved an explanation for future reference, because i can be an angry mofo at times...
Rhy
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 Sun Jun 11, 2006 1:32 am |
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(((Hugs))))rhyknow, i am so sorry esepcially your friend i too have had a best friend take her life she also hung herself and she was pregnant.....If you need a friend let me kknow....thats a tough one....Are you still in france????Rhy you will only find those that care around here all of the berris i speak for all of them any time you need to talk let us know.....you have a home here...many here have had hard times too...(((hugs))))you again...  |
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| Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:42 pm |
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Thank you Sherri... That means a lot because it seems that most people i know don't want to hear it... I tried going to therapy a couple of times, but I got furious when my therapist started asking me if I was responsible for my friends death...
Anyways, thanks...
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| Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:56 pm |
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| Rhyknow wrote: | Thank you Sherri... That means a lot because it seems that most people i know don't want to hear it... I tried going to therapy a couple of times, but I got furious when my therapist started asking me if I was responsible for my friends death...
Anyways, thanks... |
Kudos for you sharing your feelings with us Rhyknow wow the therapist acutally asked you that?!  i hope you feel better now than you did before *hug*
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"when i see the children's smiling faces, i just know they are going to poke me with something sharp"
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| Mon Jun 12, 2006 2:42 am |
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Esepcially suicide its the loneliest trauma as you said no one wants to talk about it after the intital gasp and I'm sorry....I just wanted to talk fortunately some wonderful people came into my life and i had someone to talk with....I am here for you....    |
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| Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:33 am |
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I know you have shared most of this with me in PM..but I am glad you have sharred it with the rest here on RAW...it helps to talk more about it...We are ALL here to listen..and you may find yourself helping a few of us too 
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| Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:31 am |
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Thanks you guys, i really appreciate it 
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| Mon Jun 12, 2006 12:55 pm |
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| Rhyknow wrote: | | Thanks you guys, i really appreciate it |
your very much welcome *hug*   
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"when i see the children's smiling faces, i just know they are going to poke me with something sharp"
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| Mon Jun 12, 2006 11:05 pm |
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Aww kahrie you is so sweet lol
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 12:43 am |
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Rhyknow, You don't know me yet but i'm the old berri around here. I do know a little something about what you're going through. My son was carrying a black cloud around with him for many years. He recently came back into our lives and his black cloud is beginning to drift away. You may not want to hear this but the only way you're going to come out from under the black cloud of depression is to face your shit head on. Deal with your dad and let it go. Sounds like you keep falling into the same pit and it's probably due to your relationship. The only way out is to get real with the negative energy in your life. Instead of looking for a black cloud to run under for protection, you need to find a bright cloud. When you're in the dark places of your life they are not easy to see but they do exist.
I can tell you from personal experience that the people around here are the best and cheapest therapy you will find. The support is tremendous.
I hope that my words of wisdom don't leave you with a bad taste. I tell it like it is and that's the best I can do. I hope it helps.
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 12:52 am |
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You don't have to worry about me taking your advice in the wrong way; because i'm thankful for it...
At the moment my father has offended me in a way i don't think is possible to repair... I am always willing to listen to him, but it doesn't go vice-versa...
And it's odd... Because a lot of the negative energy, I enjoy... The feelings of absolute rage build up inside of me, and I can rant them out on stage, in front of an audience who'll listen to me... It's my way of dealing with it...
I'll keep what you said in mind though
Rhy
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 12:56 am |
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My son embraced his depression too until he found out what the other side had to offer. Love comes in many different forms it doesn't have to be all warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it takes on a form that's unfamilier and we ignore it or pass it by. Other times it comes in the form of hurt and rejection. My father is an arsehole too but i've learned to deal with it. It took many years but he is only a small part of what makes me, me. I don't need him to make me happy. He has his life and I have mine. When he gets to the end of his life he will be the one with regrets and he will have to deal with them, not me.
You probably love your dad in your own way and he you but making him pay for the rest of his life is only going to hurt you and make you into someone you aren't. Remember that, OK.
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:10 am |
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I will... Thanks
And I embrace love very strongly.. It is the quintessential human emotion, and as I say "You either love all the humans on earth unconditionally or you get away from me"
I know I can always count on you guys to give me advice 
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:13 am |
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Rhy, moon berri is a very woman and great friend nice to see you around lady and I can tell things are good huh?????
she won't steer you wrong....  |
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:33 am |
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| sheri berri wrote: | Rhy, moon berri is a very woman and great friend nice to see you around lady and I can tell things are good huh?????
she won't steer you wrong.... |
Never thought she would... Beleive me i take all advice in
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:05 am |
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