Misc jokes

vincent · **vincent**

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner.
So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: "Congratulations, how did you do that?"
The bat said: "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family".
"Very good" said Dracula.
The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, "How did you do that?"
The bat replies " Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children".
"Impressive" said Dracula.
Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to tip.
Dracula is stunned. "How on earth did you do that????" he asked.
And the bat replies. "Do you see this tower?" Dracula nods his head with a "yes".
And the bat says "Well, I didn't".

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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM

vincent · **vincent**

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see
from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,
and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains
that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says ... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned,
I know you did!!!

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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM