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Post subject: Mental Illness Jokes
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Answering Machine at the Mental Hospital
> "Hello and welcome to Tower County Mental Health Hospital:"
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay
> on the line so we can trace your call.
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
> mother ship.
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
> you which number to press.
> If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
> press, no one will answer.
> If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
> If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until
> a representative comes on the line.
> If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-
> l-l-y press 0-0-0
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep, or before
> the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have > short-
> term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
> press 9.
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too
> busy to talk to you.
> If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> You won't be crazy forever.
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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 Mon Apr 24, 2006 2:49 pm |
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Post subject:
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A doctor at the asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!'' And the inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''
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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:28 pm |
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Post subject:
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Mixing themes with this one!
Three guys from a mental institution were introducing themselves.
The first guy says, "Hi, my name is Paul, from the Bible."
The second guys says, "My name is Moses, God gave me the 10 Commandments."
The third guy says, "What did I give you?"
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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Mon Apr 24, 2006 5:29 pm |
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| Sun May 21, 2006 9:50 am |
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