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Post subject: Girls Vs Boys - a light topic not to be taken seriously LOL
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There's no such thing as Women's Logic. The simple truth is that men can't do logic and like to pretend they can so's not to lose face. Thus the invention of the special kind of logic that women use to completely halt any argument 
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Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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 Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:46 pm |
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What kind of logic is that? 
:wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash:
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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:17 pm |
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Post subject: Geography of Women & Men
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GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 33, a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 33 and 43, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 43 and 50, a woman is like France, gently ageing but still warm and a desirable place to visit.
Between 51 and 59, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 60 and 65, a woman is like Yugoslavia, lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very wide and borders are now un patrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
GEOGRAPHY OF MEN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a  .
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:48 pm |
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I walked right into that one :shock: and my eyes were wide open!
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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Fri Apr 28, 2006 2:56 pm |
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| vincent wrote: | | I walked right into that one :shock: and my eyes were wide open! |
Whats new LOL 
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| Sat Apr 29, 2006 10:10 pm |
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| Sun Apr 30, 2006 3:19 pm |
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| Bebi wrote: | | Hands Vince some witch hazel for his lovely bruise :wallbash: LOL |
AH relief!
May I have some more for the otherside?
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NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:12 pm |
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Aww but Ilike the bruise on the other side - it's shaped like Zimbabwe *sniggers* 
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Mon May 01, 2006 9:36 am |
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LOL @ bebi 
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"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Mon May 01, 2006 11:20 am |
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Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centred tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
A$$hole.
(Gary)
Boitch
(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - Ho.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Thu May 04, 2006 6:03 pm |
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My daughter is called Rebecca..and my partner is called Gary how funny LOL cuz when I 1st glanced at your post I thought you where talking about them hee hee
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| Tue May 09, 2006 8:41 am |
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Decode women's personal ads!
40-ish................................49
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone
Athletic...............................No breasts
Average looking....................Moooo
Beautiful............................Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure................On medication
Feminist................................Fat
Free spirit............................Junkie
Friendship first......................Former slut
New-Age.............Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.......................No BJs
Open-minded.......................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Professional..........................Boitch
Voluptuous..........................Very Fat
Large frame.........................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Thu May 11, 2006 5:09 pm |
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To My Dear Wife,
>>
>>
>>
>>You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
> years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
> you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that
> you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the
> evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please
> don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."
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>>When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on
> the dining room table:
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>>"My Dear Husband,
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>>I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54
> years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you
> are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local
> college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be
> at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the
> assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is
> 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent
> knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same
> situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot
> more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until
> sometime tomorrow."
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Tue May 16, 2006 2:56 pm |
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The men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
A woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
Walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
Gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Sat Jul 15, 2006 1:29 pm |
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| Sat Jul 15, 2006 2:22 pm |
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