Customer Service Responses

vincent · **vincent**

From an e-mail I got.

Customer: "Excuse me, do you know where the thingamabobers are?"
Employee: "Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6."

Customer: "Do you carry Ink Eradicators? All of the other places do."
Employee: "I think so. I saw 'em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle 4."

Customer: "Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the back that you stick things to other things with?"
Employee: "Hmm... that's a tough one... The closest we have is tape."

Customer: "Excuse me. Do you work here?"
Employee: "Oh... Sorry. I just dress up like this five days a week because I like messing with people's minds..."

Customer: Do you work here?
Employee: Only when the boss is around.

Customer: "Where are the little flat black things you put in computers?"
Employee: "Hmm. I think they are in the computer section next to the disks."

Customer: "Excuse me. Is there a manager in this store?"
Employee: "Nope. Sorry, we only have someone with a "Manager" name tag on to throw people off."

Customer: "Can I open this?"
Employee: "Sure. I'm sure it's different on the inside of the clear wrapping."

Customer: "Do you have a shopping cart?"
Employee: "I think so. Let me look in my pocket. Oh! We moved em' out to the parking lot!"

Customer: "I am looking for something to plug into the back of my computer that lets me use my fax, scanner, printer, copier, and 4-in-1 multi-function machine at the same time."
Employee: "Yea! We have lots of those! Right through that big glass door by the entrance. Don't be confused by that 'Exit' sign."

Customer: "Is this new computer Y2K compliant?"
Employee: "No, sorry. We just received our new 1900 models. We can put your name on the list so we can sell you the new 2K models 100 years from now..."

Customer: "Can you give me a discount on this?"
Employee: "Yea, that's why we have those little stickers with prices on em' on everything."

Customer: "My computer isn't working. Do you know why?"
Employee: "Oh, sorry. I don't have ESP. Let me transfer you to our ESP Technician department."

_________________
NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM

Bebi · **Bebi**

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Sincerely,

Mr. Wally Underpants
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department.

MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints -

15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
_________________

Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?

Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to!

vincent · **vincent**

16. Dec 27: Stood in the elevator and made bodily noises when people entered.

_________________
NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM