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Post subject: Computer Jokes
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Is Windows a Virus
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.
:(
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 Fri Apr 07, 2006 10:33 pm |
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Post subject:
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Do you know..
what happens...
at..
night..
on...
your....
desk....
after....
having...
shut down........
the.....
computer......
?
?
?
?
?
!!
Wash your hands....!
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Mon May 22, 2006 5:56 am |
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LOL bebi!!!!!!
_________________
"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Mon May 22, 2006 5:31 pm |
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Post subject: Oldie but goodie :O)
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Ty Ashley xxx :)
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Mon May 22, 2006 7:01 pm |
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I am not going to comment on this one! 
oh the hell with it.....what was he thinking or doing?
_________________
NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Mon May 22, 2006 7:39 pm |
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Post subject:
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_________________
"The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible" -Oscar Wilde
7/22/04 |
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| Mon May 22, 2006 8:10 pm |
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| Tue May 23, 2006 1:35 pm |
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Post subject:
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| vincent wrote: |
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:lool: love it!
You forgot to mention where we can buy one though...  
_________________
Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
Go on - CLICK ME - you know you want to! |
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| Tue May 23, 2006 2:31 pm |
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| Tue May 23, 2006 5:44 pm |
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| Tue May 23, 2006 5:48 pm |
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| Tue May 23, 2006 5:53 pm |
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Post subject:
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The Borg Meet Bill Gates
"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.
Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access
their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through
our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)
Riker: (looks puzzled.) "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"
Data: (turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this program,
for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once
inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at
an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."
. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data: "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's
command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available
resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected
`upgrade'."
Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate for
their increase."
Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed."
Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending
in their registration cards."
Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F ...."
Geordi: (excited) "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped
to 0% !"
Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data: (studying displays) "Appearently the Borg have found the internal
`Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU
capacity."
Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker: "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
Geordi: "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to
transmit more `Windows' modules from something called the `Microsoft
Fun-pack'.
Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"
Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
span of 6 more hours."
Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard: "Identify."
Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
logo..."
(Over the speakers:) "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
_MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS TO COMPLY."
Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
Riker: "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward
the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space?!"
Data: "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer
I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani
suits."
Riker and Picard: (together - horrified) "Lawyers!!"
Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data: "True, but appearently some must have survived."
Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
types of papers."
Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It
often proves fatal."
Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
Picard: "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg
doesnt deserve such a gruesome death!"
_________________
NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Tue May 23, 2006 5:55 pm |
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Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, gives it to his wife to put in Wendy's chili ... he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates!!
_________________
NATIVE AMERICAN WISDOM |
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| Thu May 25, 2006 1:25 pm |
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