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Post subject: Coming Out
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Discuss this and tell us was it hard for you to come out and tell those you are gay?? What where their reactions? How did you deal with it?
IMO (in my opinion) I think people are born gay..it just takes some time before they realize they are...the reason why I say this ..is because I have 2 cousins that are gay and told me...maybe you guys have different views???
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 Sun Apr 09, 2006 1:10 am |
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Post subject: no big thing....
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A very close and long time personal friend of mine recently came out to my wife and I. I have known this guy for 25 years or so, ever since school.
He came up to visit, and the first day he was here, he seemed troubled about something, and he shrugged it off as 'nothing' we I asked if anything was wrong.
We had a good day together he and my small family, and then, after dinner, with my daughter downstairs playing on xbox, he said that he had something to tell us that would probably change our relationship. My wife and I looked at each other, then said "whats up Jim?". He took a deep breath and just blurted out"Iamgay.havebeenforalongtime.", and kept looking down at the table. We could see his face reddening. We looked at each other again, shrugged, and I said "Yeah, OK, so what this secret you want to tell us?"
He looked up in surprise, and said "Thats it. The secret is that I'm gay". I looked him dead in the eye and told him "Buddy, thats no secret. we figured that out a long time ago, we were just waiting for you to tell us."
And it was true, my wife and I figured it out over the years from all the subtle clues. To us, it was nothing to write home about. But for him, it was a supreme test of his courage and nerve. He had come out to others before, and they had rejected him. He told us that he loved us and was afraid to tell us in case we too would turn away from him. We got up, embraced him, and told him he was a part of the family, and we loved him too.
Then I said that I was a little bit angry. He asked why, and I said, smiling, "In all the years we've known each other, why the hell, hadn't he ever hit on me?" He laughed and said "Thats because you are too damned skinny!"
We laughed and my daughter (13 1/2) came in and asked what was up. My wife told her that "uncle Jim" had a problem and we were able to ease his mind. She looked at him and said "Oh, the gay thing? Its cool." and went back to her game. JIm was at aloss, he thought that we would all freak out. I guess, we are teaching our kid the right values after all.
Oh, and for the record, Jim is 6' 3" tall, 225 pounds and works as a construction worker.
Not my 'coming out' but I thought I'd share.
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| Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:59 pm |
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JM that is a beautiful story brought tears to my eyes...Its nice too know your family is out there and i'm touched with how compassionate and kind you have raised your daughter good Job JM....  |
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| Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:10 pm |
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| I really liked that story. Is your friend still handeling everything OK? |
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| Wed May 24, 2006 1:56 am |
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Oh he is doing very well. One of the reasons he gave us for finally telling us was the fact that he has a boyfriend and wanted us to meet him. They are scheduled to come up soon for a weekend in the country.
One of the great benefits of growing up in New York (I think) is the exposure you get to so many different cultures and Lifestyles. Where I used to work, it wasn't uncommon to see two men (or two women) walking arm in arm as a loving couple.
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Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
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| Wed May 24, 2006 5:06 am |
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Post subject: it makes me so mad
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Ok, well i joined this christian forum about 3 moths ago and i really liked it. Then, someone brought up the topic of being gay. I was like "I support gay people all the way!." Almost no one agreed with me. They said stuff along the lines of (and remember this is a christian site):
"i am against b-ing gay b/c God created us to be man and woman not woman and woman or man and man!"
"... according to the bible, homosexuality is wrong..."
"...God did not make people that way. They are not born that way. They choose to live that way, if people were born as homosexuals, think about this: the entire human race would die out. period. it's the truth, people were not made to like people of the same sex, he created man and women perfectly. Think about that, all of the intricate systems we have, they were made to fit together, like pieces of a puzzle. Two women don't fit together, two men don't fit together, god created man and woman, not two men or two women, one of each. HIS PLAN IS PERFECT!"
"...Being gay is absolutely wrong if were going according to the bible..."
"... Let's all remember that God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.And being gay is not something that you just have to say owell, that's how God made me. It's absolutely NOT. You can easily pray away your sexually immoral feelings and God will begin to bless you because you are turning toward his ways once again. But i believe that God will not bless those that are gay, b/c they donot live in his word...."
"... take a look at these scriptures..."
"...and as for you believing that gay is ok, Satan has a stronghold on your mind that is allowing bad things to be ok in your eyes. God is not allowing you to think that gayness is ok. But Satan sees that He can get hold of you there and that's where he attacks..."
"... I'm saying, that if you are Gay, and you haven't asked God for forgiveness, and you keep going in that direction, then you will go to hell..."
"...In the bible it says homosexuallity is a sin, The reson it doesn't feel wrong to homosexuals is because Satan corupts the minds of young beleivers, he doesn't want us to follow the word of God, Satan is fighting with God and guess what, he's using us thinking he will win, but no one can defeat the power of God..."
And those were just some of them!!!!!! :roll:
check it out:
http://www.myografi.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112
OR
http://www.myografi.com/forum/showthread.php?t=129
i would be monarchbutterfly on that site. And, despite most of the people there saying stupid stuff on that topic, some of them r really good people.
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| Thu May 25, 2006 10:42 pm |
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Thanks, but no thanks 
I deal with enough racisism and bias in real life without sticking my head willingly into a den of bigotry.
These are probably the same folk who would object to so-called "interracial marriages" and desegregation.
_________________
Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
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| Fri May 26, 2006 1:57 am |
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I have a friend who came out earlier this year... He asked me if he could speak to me one day, and told me he was gay... Then, he asked if I had a problem with it, and I said "Hell no!! You are who you are, and you're my friend... This doesn't change anything"... Then about a week later, he came out to all of our friends... And they were cool with it too... But word got around in our class that he was gay and people started to insult him, and even beat him up, which angered me... He knows that he has my full support though, because i was always brought up to beleive that a person's sexuality doesn't matter... it's what they are like on the inside that counts...
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| Tue Jun 13, 2006 12:22 am |
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Post subject: finally
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I have known some gay people in my life. One of my best friends came out to me years ago. At first, I was weirded out, but now I'm okay with it.
I'm just glad to know that finally I found a place to talk about this subject and have people agree with me, or if they don't, won't tell me I'm wrong.
My one friend, a very good one, is a full-out Christian. She wants to be a missionary when she grows up. One day the subject came up and she tells me that, "All gays are going to go to hell...they must be saved." I disagree. I myself am a very religious person, and I understand that God may be against it, but I've done my homework outside the bible. I learned that this one kid, about my age, 16, realized he was gay. But he also was a dedicated Christian. He didn't want God to be angry with him, and so he didn't want to be gay. He went to a bunch of gay camps (they actually have places that try to convert gays into straights), but none of them worked. He prayed and asked God to "help" him, and make him "right". But none of it was any good. He is still gay and he accepts it.
I just don't see how such a merciful God could condemn someone who has tried to change. And if you're not born that way, if it's a "choice", which is an excuse I've heard many times before, why is it that this boy couldn't convert?? It wasn't his "choice" to be gay, that's just how it worked out. He wanted to change but couldn't. I don't think gays are damned to hell. I believe that God tests people to see how true to their faith they are, being gay is one of them. They can be gay, but only when acting upon it does it become a sin. But just because you sin, doesn't mean you go to hell either. God is forgiving, and we should be too.
That was my religious viewpoint on the subject. As for how we should look at each other when faced with this situation, I feel that we have no right to judge others based on their lifestyles, unless of course they choose a dangerous one. We should accept their ways of life as we do any culture in the world. I also feel that the issue of gays will pass in twenty or so years. Look at blacks, for example. They were shunned from white society, segregated simply for the color of their skin. Now, they have equal opportunities and it is frowned upon to be prejudice. Likewise, the gays, in time, will be accepted and society will move on to another minority.
I am now done with my lecture, I just had to get that off my chest.
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| Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:47 pm |
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Perhaps those camps failed to "convert" him, because he is as he was meant to be.
None of us are born with the 'choice' to have red or brown hair; blue or green eyes; medical issues or perfect health. No one gets to choose whether they will be black, white, yellow or brown.
The majority of people are born "straight", some are born "bent" and still others are born "crossed".
Despite what some may believe, there is increasing evidence that sexuality, and even gender, are controlled by the way our brains are wired.
Imagine this for a second: If sexuality WERE a choice, do you actually, honestly think that people would willingly choose an orientation that meets with such hostility and fear and hatred?
"Gee, I really love it when people shun me, verbally abuse me and physically assault me, I think I'll "become" gay...."
"I really, really want my conservative family to despise me and throw me out of the house, I think I'll become a lesbian..."
"WOW! I bet that the easiest way for me to become unemployed is to tell people I'm gay."
"Hey, I know! I can choose to be gay and have some illiterate redneck and his friends drag me into the woods, sodomize me and then kill me! Boy, won't that be fun!"
I've known gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people. Some of them are still close friends today. They are people, just like anyone else with good and bad points.
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Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
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| Wed Aug 09, 2006 3:04 am |
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What I don't understand is why people have to stereotype people...You are who you are...So what if your gay...it doesn't make you any different than anyone else in my opinion...It's your sexual preference...so why do people shun gays?
1.) Religion?
2.) The way they act?
3.) Cuz it's just not the way your supposed to be? Says who???
I don't know about you but I didn't come with a manual when I was born...my parents didn't really know how I would turn out..but I was taught that gay was a bad thing...geez...why???? Stereotyping
Just like the religious belief that you will go to hell and it's satan pulling you that way if your gay...how ridiculous does that sound to you guys...Why should any religion try to make you something your not...to make someone straight they would have to take the brain of that person and change it..."Can't be done"
On that note I have a story that came to mind:
I went to my 15th class reunion a few years back...All the alumni had blue tags with our names on it..and our spouses or significant others had red tags with their names on it...I walked in trying to distinguish who was who after 15 years out of school...when I noticed this girl in a white shirt and black skirt carrying a purse and she had on high heeled shoes that to me she was having a problem walking in..and couldn't keep her purse on her shoulder...let's just say she looked awkward...I noticed the blue tag as I was walking by her with my husband...not even a minute later someone I knew came up to me and said.....did you see the "He-she??" I'm thinking at this point..who??? But then it clicked...I turned and my friend said.."Yep you spotted it"..I read the name tag and it said..Lauren...now I don't remember a lauren from school..but the face did look familiar...Turns out Lauren had ...had a sex change or as I learned was going through a sex change...her name that I would have remembered would have been..."Warren" A kid from school that everyone picked on...I had befriended him because of it and many times stuck up for him...I told my friend...don't be an As@$# ... I walked up to Lauren and got into a conversation...she told me how she had been sexually abused as a child by her father and was now going through the stages of a total sex change but was a lesbian..she also had two children who were fine with the whole thing...I had no problem talking to her but it seemed that she was the brunt of a lot of jokes that night...and being who I am...I stuck up for her....I guess some things just never change...I will say that Warren/Lauren was a bit awkward as she walked around...not quite comfortable in her element yet...and her voice was going through some changes as well as her face....but all in all I gave her so much credit for showing up to the reunion in the first place....knowing full well that she would be shunned by most of the people...she said..why should it be any different from when I was in school??? I don't have to make these people happy...I'm happy... that's what counts...She also thanked me for helping her out in school...she remembered me and told me that out of all the kids in school ..she remembered me sticking up for her...I left the reunion with a feeling of...well...I was proud of myself...I didn't stereotype her when she was in school..and I didn't stereotype her after 15 years...she was a sweet person who just came into herself in my opinion..and I'll guarantee she didn't come with a manual either..so she had to find herself....and figure out what made her happy in her life...I'm proud of her......El Bandito
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Never fear the dead, fear the living, they are more dangerous...."Trust Me" |
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| Wed Aug 09, 2006 1:12 pm |
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A beautiful story Bandito. If more people reacted as you did, this world would be a little bit closer to paradise.
In living ones life, we can either choose to live up to others ideas of 'normal', or we can choose to live our own. It is really up to the individual to decide what is best for themselves.
In the end, it is ourselves we have to face in the mirror.
_________________
Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
visit the boarder |
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| Wed Aug 09, 2006 1:32 pm |
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you are sooooo...right...If we live our lives trying to make everyone happy...we aren't making ourselves happy....We will live in a tedious well of self loathing...saying: "am I doing this right?" "Does that person not like me because of what I am or who I am?" ....Makes no sense to me...I am who I am and that's good enough for me...Those of you who do not like it..."Well that's your problem."
The way I see it ...is that we are all..different and that's ok with me...I myself wouldn't want to live in a world of "Everyone is the same"...it would get really boring after a while...and after all is said and done...nobody is perfect...El Bandito
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Never fear the dead, fear the living, they are more dangerous...."Trust Me" |
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| Wed Aug 09, 2006 2:02 pm |
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Post subject: Re: finally
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| TrueThat wrote: |
I just don't see how such a merciful God could condemn someone who has tried to change. And if you're not born that way, if it's a "choice", which is an excuse I've heard many times before, why is it that this boy couldn't convert?? It wasn't his "choice" to be gay, that's just how it worked out. He wanted to change but couldn't. I don't think gays are damned to hell. I believe that God tests people to see how true to their faith they are, being gay is one of them. They can be gay, but only when acting upon it does it become a sin. But just because you sin, doesn't mean you go to hell either. God is forgiving, and we should be too.
That was my religious viewpoint on the subject. As for how we should look at each other when faced with this situation, I feel that we have no right to judge others based on their lifestyles, unless of course they choose a dangerous one. We should accept their ways of life as we do any culture in the world. I also feel that the issue of gays will pass in twenty or so years. Look at blacks, for example. They were shunned from white society, segregated simply for the color of their skin. Now, they have equal opportunities and it is frowned upon to be prejudice. Likewise, the gays, in time, will be accepted and society will move on to another minority.
I am now done with my lecture, I just had to get that off my chest. |
While my next comment may veer this discussion into theological realms, I have a small problem with the highlighted part of the text......
| Quote: | | I believe that God tests people to see how true to their faith they are, being gay is one of them. |
If your god is all knowing, why would he/she/it need to "test" you? The christian depiction of god indicates that "he knows whats in your heart", so why the need for a test? And, if homosexuality is hardwired into our makeups, then your argument is that "God MAKES you flawed in order to test you". Not a very 'user friendly' deity, is he?
Second is this:
| Quote: | | They can be gay, but only when acting upon it does it become a sin. |
Excuse me?????? I know that you are only stating your beliefs, and I have no wish to demean or belittle your faith, but this is a silly statement, IMO.
Its like saying that your creator made a skunk, but it isn't allowed to use its defense. Or a beautiful bird, but it isn't supposed to fly.
Or, "You can be black, just don't be "too" black" Or substitute your favorite ethnicity.
Or "Hey, I made humans with the capacity to enjoy sexual relations, but ONLY use it to make little ones. Even if married, or its a sin. Enjoy it, but not too much."
Again we come back to the point that if this is what your god did: creating people as homo- or heterosexual, then faulting them for acting upon their orientation, then your god is a rather devious, sadistic god. In my opinion.
_________________
Masks reveal what they conceal. Indeed, a person does not hide behind a mask so much as struggle beneath the weight of it.
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| Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:16 pm |
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This is why I have a problem with the catholic religion/Christianity....Plain and simple...It's what they teach...preach... and expect...and if you sway a little off the course then you are a sinner and not worthy of God..
Sweetie, I know you have your beliefs and your only going by what you were taught but ...This is one of the arguments we have at home..."About religion"...First of all I'll tell you that I don't believe the way you believe..."You know that"...but I don't condemn you for your beliefs...It is your choice how you choose to believe...
But... I was taught when I was young ..."By the Catholic religion" that there are just certain things they will not except from people who want to practice their faith....Were these rules and regulations made by God....nope they were fabricated through time by humans who wanted it to be their way...as time went on they kept adding the rules or sins up so that we "Gods flock" have a structure to follow...Is it right for a religion not to except you for something that you have no control over..."As in being Gay" ....Should you be banished and ridiculed for being Gay....I don't think so ...if God is a forgiving God and loves us all because we accept him into our faith...why repent for something you can't control...
Another little tid bit that always made me mad was that in the past...like way back...women who became pregnant..."Even when they were married"....were not allowed to enter the church until after they delivered their child...because they were said to have been marked by the "Sin of Eve"...ok...If they delivered a male child they were able to go back to church sooner than if they delivered a female child...and if they delivered a child and didn't scream..go through torment which had to be witnessed by the midwife...they were banished from the church and buried in unhallowed ground...WHERE DID THEY GET THIS CRAP FROM"...? Not sure what religion it was "can't remember"...I think it was Scottish or Irish??? But not sure...Anyhoo...Do you think that God sat there and made that rule..."NO WAY"...it was made up by Men or priests "not bashing me here"...but...women were ridiculed for having sex...and becoming pregnant...and the man who helped to get her pregnant was not affected in the least...So you see....it's the rules that humans conjured up that make religion so chaotic...and people live in fear of going to hell if they don't follow all these rules...be a good christian...etc,...Believe in God the way that you want to I have no control over peoples beliefs and don't want to demean anyone for their belief..I just don't see why people have to be downcast and labeled for being who they are...El Bandito
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Never fear the dead, fear the living, they are more dangerous...."Trust Me" |
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| Thu Aug 10, 2006 11:51 am |
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