A lawyer Joke

Geri_Berri · **Geri_Berri**

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
:grin:

Bebi · **Bebi**

> Subject: Why lawyers should never ask a question if they aren't
>prepared for the answer
>
>
> ...
> In a small Southern town during a trial, the prosecuting attorney
>called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand,
>sophisticated, elderly lady. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones...do
>you know me?".
>
> She responded, "Why, yes I know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
>since you were a young boy. Frankly, you've been a disappointment to me.
>You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them
>behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains
>to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
>pusher. Yes, I know you very well".
>
> Stunned and not knowing what else to do, the lawyer then pointed
>across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you also know the defense
>attorney?".
>
> She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
>he was a youngster, too. He's a lazy bigot and he has a drinking problem.
>He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
>one of the worst in the entire state! Not to mention that he cheated on his
>wife with three different women, one of them being YOUR wife. Yes, I know
>him."
>
> The defense attorney's face blazed with red and he ducked his head
>in shame. At that point, the noble judge asked both counselors to approach
>the bench, and in a very quiet voice he said, "If either of you two
>barstools (sic) asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt!".

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